Actual Newspaper Headlines 

That's right, these are NOT made up.  At first, some may sound normal but take a moment to think what they're saying or how the headline could be mis-read.  And then remember, they went to school for this!

Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers

Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

Hospitals are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors

Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half

New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One

Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Farmer Bill Dies In House

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus?

Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Needy

Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One

Prostitutes Appeal To Pope

Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again

British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands

Eye Drops Off Shelf

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead

Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told

Miners Refuse to Work After Death

Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant

Stolen Painting Found By Tree

Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter

Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over

Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years

Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures

War Dims Hope For Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Stud Tires Out

Deer Kill 17,000

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft

Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half

Arson Suspect Is Held In Massachusetts Fire

Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing

British Union Finds Dwarves In Short Supply

Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms

Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

Air Head Fired

Steals Clock, Faces Time

Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff

Old School Pillars are Replaced By Alumni

Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board

Some Pieces Of Rock Hudson Sold At Auction

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

Police Discovered Pot Plants Were Really Cannabis

Headless Body Found In Topless Bar